


we'll always find our way back home

by angstonly



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Bittersweet, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hopeful Ending, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:09:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24248593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstonly/pseuds/angstonly
Summary: renjun breathes in, and jaemin smells like fresh laundry. he chuckles, remembering a time when denial gave way to absurd theories. back then, he thought jaemin felt like home because he smelled like it. now, he knows it's because jaemin has been his home all along.(or: jaemin reassures renjun that everything will be okay)
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 9
Kudos: 56





	we'll always find our way back home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mypage](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mypage/gifts).



> quick lil thing dedicated to tia !!! i hope u like it!!! mwa !!!
> 
> inspired by photograph by ed sheeran
> 
> unbeta'd/unedited :D

"this is so cheesy, nana," renjun murmurs, rose-tinted cheeks fortunately hidden behind his mask.

they're at a shop all too familiar to them both, a clandestine union in the shadows well-thought out and carefully planned. they're not allowed outside past curfew without managers to shield them, but this is a meeting that requires utmost seclusion that they neither care nor worry of its consequences. what renjun focuses on is jaemin—clad in all black, hood covering the hat on his head, standing tall beside him. he has his own mask covering his lips, but there's no mistaking the stars reflected in his eyes.

he's smiling, and he's smiling at renjun.

"so you don't want it?" he asks, gaze filled with all the love renjun knows too well. he's been on the receiving end since they were eighteen—even long before renjun even knew that the ones for him were unique and only for him.

"i didn't say that," he says, voice muffled by his mask. jaemin hears him anyway, face giving way to crease around his eyes as his smile grows wider. "i'm just saying it's cheesy."

"i admit it is." jaemin laughs. it's the kind of laugh that renjun argues is a better song anything he or donghyuck could ever sing. when jaemin laughs, it's carefree and almost childlike, pure in the way the mirth lends itself to the melody of his voice. "i wouldn't be me if i didn't do something like this, though. give me one second."

renjun watches him, traces his silhouette with his eyes as he speaks to the shop owner. it's too familiar, too reminiscent of their shared past to ignore. his heart raps against his chest with as much fervor as the love he holds for na jaemin, melancholy at the sentiments behind their covert outing. renjun knows.

it's sweet. he supposes it doesn't come as a surprise considering it's jaemin—jaemin, whose love could rival a mother's for her children; jaemin, whose voice plucks the stars from the sky and holds them in his eyes; jaemin, whose arms now snake around his body, pulling him close until renjun is pressed against his chest.

renjun breathes in, and jaemin smells like fresh laundry. he chuckles, remembering a time when denial gave way to absurd theories. back then, he thought jaemin felt like home because he smelled like it. now, he knows it's because jaemin has been his home all along. he smiles behind his mask as he looks deeply into jaemin's eyes, pulling away just enough to see him.

"done?" renjun asks, head tilted slightly. the light reflects in jaemin's face, makes him glow under the moon. jaemin likes to say renjun is ethereal, but renjun argues it's _him_ who actually is. not that he would say this out loud—not again, at least. it would be a losing battle. (jaemin never runs out of praises for him, and renjun always gives up after the fourth insistence.)

instead of answering, jaemin pulls away completely. he takes renjun's hand in his, and renjun just _knows_ jaemin's smile grows at the sight of the birthmark on his skin.

renjun expects another bracelet—a companion for the gold cuff resting loosely on his wrist. instead, jaemin places a locket on his palm. gold. a perfect match.

"okay, now this is cheesy to the next level," renjun snorts, yet the smile that settles on his lips holds the true feelings beyond any feigned disdain. "didn't realize we've traveled back in time."

jaemin rolls his eyes as he closes renjun's fingers around it. "open it later, when we're back in the dorms."

"ominous," renjun murmurs, taking his hand back from jaemin's grasp to inspect the item in his hold. "why not now?"

"because," jaemin says, "we have to get back to the dorms."

-

renjun lies in bed, sinking into his mattress as he holds the locket in his hand. it's almost the size of a pocketwatch, but it's small enough to fit in his pocket.

with an inhale, he opens it.

it's instant—the way his tears prick his eyes, the way his heart races in his chest, the way his hands clam up he suddenly forgets to breathe. in the locket is a picture of a day he cherishes, a moment engraved in his heart and etched in his memories. he's glowing as the sun hits his face, caught mid-laugh with his lips slightly parted. jaemin is right next to him, looking at renjun the way he always does—like he's the only person in the world. (when jaemin looks at him like that, he actually feels like he is.)

as beautiful as the photo is, it's the words on gold that completely unravels him. he breathes out, thumb gingerly tracing over the engraving. he knows—jaemin knows.

_we'll always find our way back home._

-

"i love you," jaemin whispers, cupping renjun's tear-stained cheek with one hand. the air is heavy, desolate as they look into each other's tearful eyes. "this isn't a goodbye."

"i'd be more convinced if you weren't seconds away from crying." renjun leans into his touch, eyes closing as his chest caves into itself from the ache. "we won't see each other anymore, and you know it."

"no." jaemin smiles, brushing away the tears that have rolled down renjun's face. "we won't let that happen. you'll still be here; we'll both still be here."

renjun sighs, biting on his bottom lip as he lets the words permeate all throughout his body. wishful thinking. hope. it's dangerous, renjun thinks. a light in the darkness, small as it may be. he sighs, placing a hand atop jaemin's.

"you've seen what they've done to the hyungs. who's to say it won't happen to us?" renjun smiles despite the tears, despite the despondence he feels in his heart. "ten hyung barely sees johnny hyung anymore. don't even get me started on winwin hyung and jaehyun hyung. it's like they don't even know each other anymore with how much distance there is between them."

"i say," jaemin tells him, voice as soft and comforting as it always has been. "i say it won't happen to us. i say we can get through this. we'll make it work, renjun. we always do. no matter how difficult, no matter how painful things become, i will never give up on us. for as long as time and your heart allow, you'll always have a home in me."

renjun doesn't realize he's been holding his breath until right now, until jaemin presses his lips to his and he sighs against the kiss. it's soft and gentle, as pure as the love that's bloomed and grown between them over the years. he doesn't even remember how it happened, how they were best friends one day and lovers the next. all he remembers is kissing jaemin, just like right now, and feeling like his heart is finally complete.

"i love you," renjun mutters as they pause for air, foreheads pressed together and panting. there's so much he wishes he could say, so much he wishes he could tell jaemin. yet when he tries to speak, the words never come. ironic, renjun thinks. for a man known for wise and thoughtful words, he's rendered speechless when it's anything jaemin.

this isn't a goodbye; he knows it isn't. still, the longing lingers in his eyes as renjun pulls away to look at him, in his hands as they find purchase on jaemin's shoulders, in his heart as it beats in harmony with jaemin's own.

renjun smiles, a kind of smile that's especially just for jaemin. it's a silent understanding, a quiet acknowledgment of what's to come. it won't be easy, but they'll make it. they always do.

"i'll always come back home," renjun says. "for as long as you allow, i'll always come back home."

-

it's almost exactly the same. the bed, the room, the quiet. it's nice, almost familiar this way, but there's a room that lies behind the wall that isn't jaemin and jisung's, a room where he won't find jaemin's abundant collection of plushies, a room where their pictures don't decorate the space beside the bed.

renjun sits up, fingers curled around the locket he carries with him everywhere he goes. the members asks about it, curious about the trinket that renjun never leaves without. only sicheng and kun know without him saying a word, having helped him conceal his relationship multiple times in the past.

the next time yangyang asks, renjun finally tells him.

renjun carries his home in his pocket, a forever he never realized existed until now, a promise of hope and love and commitment he never expected he would ever have.

"it's a reminder," renjun says, "that no matter what happens, i'll always find my way back home."

he'll always find his way back to jaemin.

**Author's Note:**

> [twt](http://twitter.com/scammerjaem) :: [cc](http://curiouscat.me/angstonly)


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